FUCK YAH! I AM FINALLY OUT OF JACKSON... 

Im going to cascadia community. (with none-other than ASHLEY PARKER)I have been stuck for a couple of years now.....but Latley its seemed that im not trudging through the mud anymore...im free. I have everything i could ever want. I could honestly ask for nothing more.  

In 3 mouths I will be on my way to making something of myself and of my future. 

For some people the easy way out is really the only escape.

Juss thought id let ya all know whats been crackin in my life and why i havent been around...juss kickin it with my baby and having the time of my life.

 

current mood: crazy

Its hard to love someone so much and not be able to truly know if thier love for you is just as much. I keep thinking that its different this time and that things have changed and it some way they have but latley it seems as if everything is slowly creeping backward. Things could be really great..i mean incredible but im stuck now....we are stuck now dealing with drama... we are not in fifth grade anymore and it really sucks that shit had to be like this again...im thinking like i used to...the worse... but after everything thats happened in the past its hard not to think anything but the worse and a few weeks ago i wouldnt even think twice about trust and shti but i do and its pathedic...noone understand our relationship so i cant really talk to anyone...i cant even listen to anyone's advice cuz they just dont understand our connection and how much i love him....its sooo frusterating...i hope shit gets good soon...i reallly hope that this all gets over real quick cuz its really herting me and my perspective on everything...things were perfect....what the fuck?? just a bump along the journey...we will get over it but when??? patients was NEVER a trait i had...lol...p>


ANyways...Im kIcKiN it with amber rae....tims working...:( .....im such a rebel hu??? HAHAHAHA...j/k now that is a habbit i gotta get over real soon before i end up somewhere i wish not to go again...hahah... well peeples im out gotta go..do something not educational....BITCHES....

It really frusterates me when you dont know when to stop. It's like your pissed because the spot light dosent surround you anymore as if it ever did to begin with. Im not gunna sit and call you names, cause honestly im passed that point in my life. Im not gunna talk shit and I am not going to tell you all the things that go through my head when i hear your name. Why? Because im better than that. and evidently you. I not consided im just not lost anymore. I want so much to just let this go, your not worth my time or the energy i spend. But i need you to fucking comprehend something. LISTEN CLOSE. I know it was never really your thing to pay attention but it would be in both our best intreast if you give it a try. I DONT HATE YOU. Hating you would mean some sort of feeling being involved. I HAVE NOTHING INSIDE FOR YOU. you are dead to me. YOU ONCE WERE MY EVERYTHING. That was before i knew the REAL you. THE REAL YOU DISGUST ME. I dont want this drama, and although i can see DRAMA is what makes you, IM DONE. READY OR NOT. I am doing well in my life and lucky for me i am going to go places, with people like you holding me down its going to be damn near impossible to do that. THIS IS WHY: I want nothing to do with you. I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I want to pretend each time we see eachother that we are strangers, and I am trying my damnest to erase you from memorie for real. BUT ITS HARD WHEN YOU WONT QUIT. So do me a favor please. TAKE MY ADVISE. leave me alone cuz seriously AMBER RAE. you are just going to get yourself into something neither of us really wants to get into. unfortunaley for me i already know what will happen, you on the other hand will hopefully NEVER find out. YOU CAN'T JUST COME BACK INTO OUR LIVES AND THINK TIME STOPPED FOR YOU. Time kept going and you eventually went invisable for a while. now your back and YOUR STILL INVISIBLE AND DEAD TO ME. LEAVE IT THAT WAY. ITS BEST FOR US BOTH.

ANYWAYS.. NOW THAT THAT IS DONE AND OFF MY CHEST... I can be happy again!!! My baby boy is comming back today, I havent seen him in like a week and we havent...well anyways....im jsut really EXCITED to see him. He got a truck!! fuck yah! you have no idea how much im looking forward to whats going to be happening in the near...near future. I love my BaByEe BoO.

"Hello?"

"Hi, can you cheak to see if anyone named TIM SOULE is eating at your restrant?? Please?

Tell him shaniquia is calling."

"Hold on"

"Yes ma'am. He's here"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You have no idea how much i jsut needed to hear your voice baby. that made my day a 100% better. thank you!

P.S  To 2 very special people. you know who you are.

I just wanted to add that i am glad that we worked shti out. you guys are wonderful and now we have all grown up, things will hopefully only grow better. love ya guys!

How could you have been so thoughtless? Oblivious and Blind?

Your stupidity has brought you to your end,

when you already fell behind.

Your selfish greed over powered you,

You swung and struck out to a curve,

You shut your eyes on your sickness

Then you got what you deserved.

I dont think you ever realized or much cared that death was real

That rush of life, the awsome high was all you lived to feel.

Now your gone, all feeling lost and i dont know what to do

but sit and dream of your powder eyes and hope it gets me through.

My dear Calen, only 24 years old

My best friend, inspiration at heart

and the key to me soul.

I love you!

I can't stop thinking about the actuality of the fact that your gone. FOR GOOD. And when I first heard I couldnt breathe but I thought it would get easier but it only gets harder to realize. You are sooo unbeleiveably dumb and stupid and if i could i would tell you face to face exacly how inconsiderate and immature you were but if i could see your face there would be no reason to be upset. More dissapointed. you never thought of your consequenses ever since i met you you always were carefree, living life to its fullest ended yours sooner than you were meant to leave. I love you and my life is going to well but it doesnt seem much fair that I can live and you can't. It herts to hide all the pain from the rest of the world but i want you to know i didnt forget, i didnt get over it. Im still pulling through. I love you and I miss you sooooo much. Why did you do it? why did you have to be soo fucking dumb?

current mood: crushed

It comes along very soldomly, its hard to find but when you do it is wonderful. You search and search for the right one, the one you can rely upon and be there for. Its incredible when you finaly reach and someone reaches back and holds on. Its an incredible feeling when your falling and then suddenly your back standing on firm ground. ITs amazing and I wouldnt change it for the world. YOU MAY SAY SHE'S A   BUT THATS JUSS CUZ SHE DONT LIKE YOU..HAHA. She is a wonderful person and she will make it far in life. BETTER BELIEVE IT BITCHES. She is amazing and she isnt anywhere close to what you make her to be so give it a rest hoe cuz this one you wont win. I will fight for her and I will make it clear to you and anyone else who doubts her what an amazing girl she is and will turn out to be...

SHE IS A  Person and YOU WILL ONE DAY REALIZE THAT SHE WASNT THE FUCKED UP ONE...YOU WERE.  I Have never met anyone like her before NEVER and I have all the faith and trust in her in the world and wont let go. YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER AS I DO AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE CHANCE. YOU WILL SOON SEE THAT THAT IS YOUR FAULT AND YOUR BAD.

WOW!!!WhY can't I just get away from all of you? YOU NO LONGER EXIST IN THIS LIFE I HAVE. IT IS pointless to fight with you becasue you are not WORTH my time and I dont want you part of my life again. DO ME A FAVOR ...... Leave me alone. Go away and dont come back. I changed myself for the better. You may think that Im going down and changing for the worse...well you DONT KNOW me anymore. None of you do. you are not part of me so dont let me know you anymore.

SO yah this weekend was the ULTIMATE BEST freaking weekend EVER..We went to the rave. It was HELLA tyte and so much f'n fun seriously. Then we went over to ashelys house and smoked sum weed...changed and then I went back over to ryans house and spent the night. I think me and tim seriously watched about 8 movies but NEVER got around to watching them....

..........we fell asleep at the beginning of each one and would wake up and the end of each....lol.....................

Then we hung out at ashelys the next day and I was sooo f'n tierd....we got sooooo wasted at my house that night and then watched the
PRO BOWL...sunday!

FUCK YAH! Were going to the super bowl.....i am so exited....And in the end of this eventfull weekend I am HUNG OVER, TIERD, and SORE. ugggggg.......

Me and my pimpin light show....lol

Tim soulE....pimpin it baby!

Me...Ashely...and ADAM...fuck yah! BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE!

Tonight is the night bitches. It's going to be the BEST motha fucking night. Been waiting....SO EXCITED! Tim is comming back today..I havent seen him in a week...he's been working his ass off the last 2 weeks...no "good" food and no weed...ahhh i couldnt last...BUT HE'S HOME finaly and tonight is going to bee sooo much fun

YoU 

dOnT

EvEn

KnOw

So anyways me and ashely are going to get our nails done today after school then...we are going shopping...and THEN we are going to go play the muppets with KURMET THE FROG ....fuck yah!!! HELLA TYTE.... I love you ashely...I NEVER thought that I could ever find someone like you to be here for me like you have been...after awhile I gave up on friendship cause all my "best friends" became all backstabbing...ANNOYING....bitches...I realize that that was just casue thats who i chose to be my so called friends....BIG MISTAKE...on my part...but we are so alike....WE NEVER FIGHT..NEVER GET TIERD OF KiCk'N iT together....you are the best. TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE "magical" HA-HA!

ANyWayS.... " In with the NEW...Out with the OLD" ..I can honestly say...ive never been happier. Can't bring me down....I let you go BITCH!

Damn...FINALY! shit i was getting hella pissed...anyways...im a so relieved i talked to you last night...you were a lil typsy but hey i wasnt all that sane either...haha....

Anyways last night i went over to ashelys house and we watched..the exorsisum of emily rose..for the first time on my part, but it was pretty tyte...we smoked a fat blunt before and just chilled...fuck yah...the movie was hella sick..more sick that scary but it was pretty cool. I am sooo fucking pumped for this weekend.....

I WISH WE COULD DRIVE TO CALI SATURDAY...SOUNDS SO FREAKING FUN!! WE DEFINETLY SHOULD...

AHHH...Goddamn...this last year i have let sooo much go in my life....changed my surroundings and I knew nomatter how hard it seemed to become to hard it would all work out  for the best....you WERE my life....now my life is just how I want it to be..so thank you for letting me let you slip away...it seemed wrong but it only made everything that much more right...you are awsome...thank you for letting me HATE you.

I love you BABY ASH! you my girl for ever...

It's hard being pimp but...we are just way to go to give up! lol....

Learn it from the best...

WHO??

Tim soul....luv you sweetness.

O holy mother of god! I am so frusterated! Tired...confused....I got absolutley NO sleep last night. I was up all night with ashely her on one phone...me on the other..WE WERE DETERMINED...and we probably pissed the Lopez Island Resort people off...but I wanted to talk to my boy and THEY were talking a 3 day fucking smoke break..SHIT! ugg...We left so many messages on their stupid machine...we were so fucking stoned...but who will ever know??? HAHA! I honestly couldnt tell you exacly how many message we left but I hope they got the fucking idea...lol.

Rollin like a MOTHA FUCKIN "pimp"

Thas how we do...BITCHES!

Anyways...This weekend is going to be sooooo much fun!! I can't wait...i love you baby boy....

This weekend was hella fun!! I hung out with Ashely (PaRkEr) and adam all fucking weekend...i honestly dont think ive ever smoked that much in my life...haha.

I kicked it with my baby boy saturday....it was so cute i walk in and he's passed the fuck out sprawled out in ryans chair and he wouldnt wake up worth shit....then he finnaly did and we watched movies and shit...it was tight. He's been working his ass off and is comming back early....Fuck yah!

Friday is going to be soooo awsome...Ashely..Are you ready??? To rumble???.......hahaha....

So Tim left for lopez Island today... .. :( damn! Atleast he's comming back for the weekends....

MAKE ME SUM MONEY BABY!!!!

HAHA.....

This is a very difficult email to send... I only gained access to Calen's email account today.

Some of you already know this information, but I'm sure some of you don't,

Calen has not been ignoring all your emails.

Thank the fucking lord its break….

I tried…trust me hun I tried…but your just you and evidently Im not able to exept you as my friend, or aquantince..i hate your presence..I can’t stand you. im done. You’re a BITCH. But hey you obviously cannot change that about your self…so im here and im done.  I wish I could stay and help you out but to many times…too many times…I can’t take it. Have a nice life. You truly are a great person…in others eyes. In mine your just someone I can’t associate with at this point….

Anyways…This break is gunna be awesome….MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Rachel call me cuz we gotta chill…

Sonny your still taking me to see that movie right?? I’ll call you cuz I don’t trust you to call me….haha…

PEACE OUT!

Coca Plants...

.............Anyone know where to find any???..................